Welcome to the Dungeon

Gollum in the Dark Lord’s dungeon

Filk metal song parody by Yours Truly, sung to the tune of “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses.

Welcome to the dungeon

We’re through playing games

We know you found the Ring we want

The one with letters of flame

And in this Tower that confines

Lost souls in darkness deep

Soon you’ll beg for death beneath

The Eye that never sleeps

In the dungeon

Welcome to the dungeon

It’ll bring you to your knees, knees

I wanna watch you bleed

Welcome to the dungeon

Believe me when I say

If you don’t give us what we need

There’s gonna be hell to pay

‘Cause I’m a very busy man

Whose boss is hard to please

Heard you hate the bright light

Well that’s one thing you won’t see

In the dungeon

Welcome to the dungeon

Meet my, my pain machine

I, I wanna hear you scream!

Welcome to the dungeon

Where you’ll suffer every day

You’ll learn to fear the Nazgûl

In the dungeon where we play

They’ll hunt for it endlessly

They’ll take it eventually

You can’t have what the Dark Lord wants

So you’d better start talkin’ to me…

Or when you die you’ll be just

One more wraith in the crowd…

You know where you are?

You’re in the dungeon, Smeagol!

You’re gonna die

In the dungeon

Welcome to the dungeon

Feel your blood begin to freeze, freeze

In the dungeon

Welcome to the dungeon

Feed my, my, my pain machine

In the dungeon

Welcome to the dungeon

It’s gonna break you down! HA!


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