My Big Dumb Ugly Half-orc Hero

Neverwinter Nights by BioWare

I play Neverwinter Nights a lot, and sometimes I come up with player characters for that game that I end up really wanting to play in a tabletop session of D&D. I never thought one of them would be a stereotypical big dumb ugly half-orc, but there you go.

Normally I would never create a PC with an Intelligence lower than 10, but this time on a whim I played through the first chapter of the NWN Original Campaign as a Half-Orc Barbarian named Gulash with an intelligence of 8. It was hilarious! I’ll explain why in a moment, but first, a little more about the character.

While I know that good-looking intelligent, articulate half-orcs are all the rage now (here’s looking at you, Fjord), Neverwinter Nights already has a supporting character who’s an articulate half-orc barbarian, the NPC Daelan, whom you can hire as a henchman, so keeping that in mind you might understand why I preferred to go the other way with this character.

But don’t get me wrong. Gulash is in no way a mindless, unthinking brute. In fact, he has a kind heart and he’s also pretty savvy with a wisdom score of 12. That’s actually one of the things that make me think he’d be great as a PC that I could develop more freely in a real D&D roleplaying scenario. I think a lot of his enemies would underestimate him, calculating only his strength in their assessment of the threat he could potentially pose to them. He’d also be fun to roleplay.

Anyway, for Gulash’s voice I chose from the included voice sets one called Dumb Hero which has some funny lines such as “I’m gonna rip your head off and make it my puppet!” Then, after reading the warning during character creation that lets you know an intelligence lower than 9 means your character can’t speak properly, I proceeded to play, only to be pleasantly surprised when I discovered just what that meant.

As I said, I’d played the game many times before with all sorts of different characters, so I was familiar with nearly all of the dialogue interactions, but now instead of saying, for example “I need to speak to you,” my character would say something like “Me want talk at you”. But funniest of all were the reactions from many of the NPCs when my character spoke to them. They might say something like, “Oh, I see you are a bit slow, friend.” I love that the game’s creators took the time to do this. Unfortunately, this is not true of all modules, including Shadows of Undrentide. It’s understandable though, having to write two versions of all the dialogue in the game would no doubt add considerably to the overhead.

Another thing that made game play a bit different for me this time around was Gulash’s low charisma score. In NWN, half-orcs take a -1 penalty to charisma and I was unwilling to spend any extra points to mitigate that because I wanted him to be a tank. So any extra points I had went into strength, constitution, and dexterity (and the aforementioned wisdom score, of course, to help protect him from mind-affecting spells).

A charisma score of only 9 has some pretty significant consequences in NWN, as I was soon to learn.

Take Persuasion, for example. This skill is charisma-based and very important to game play, particularly insofar as it can be used to open up side quests that would normally be closed to all but a very few specific types of character (such as those belonging to a particular class; though most of the time it appears to have more to do with the PC’s alignment). Less side quests mean less experience points, so it makes sense that you’d want to take on odd jobs, especially if they paid well.

***** SPOILERS AHEAD *****

One such side quest is offered by Judge Oleff in the Halls of Justice. If you’re a lawful good cleric you probably don’t need a high charisma or persuade skill to get the quest, which involves finding the lost tombs of Halueth Never and his adventuring companions. And while it certainly makes a lot of sense that stuffy old Oleff wouldn’t entrust such a sacred task to a chaotic, brutish half-orc barbarian who can’t even speak properly, it’s a great side quest featuring some pretty powerful undead and I really wanted to see how Gulash fared in it. So I gave persuasion a shot, and naturally failed.

In NWN once you fail a persuasion check with a particular character you can’t succeed with them if you try again until you’ve increased your persuasion skill, which, barring the use of a magical item, means after you’ve leveled up again. But when your character is a dumbass barbarian, you don’t get many skill points to waste on things like persuasion, especially when 1 point in persuasion would cost you 2 skill points. Makes sense in terms of roleplaying though. Barbarians tend to persuade with their fists. Still, a few levels later I did finally add an extra point in persuasion, and with a nymph cloak I bought at the auction in the Seedy Tavern, I was finally able to convince Judge Oleff I was the right man–er, half-orc for the job.

Another consequence I wasn’t expecting from having such a low charisma score was actually kind of more sad than funny. After successfully retrieving his first Waterdhavian creature, Gulash decided to celebrate at the Moonstone Mask. After getting a writ from Oleff that declared him plague-free, and buying his Pass Coin to get upstairs, he chose a pretty halfling lass as his companion for the night. But all he could get out of her was a quest… she refused to even consider bedding him because he was so damned ugly.

*****END SPOILERS*****

Overall it’s been a fun (and often funny) experience playing Gulash. It was sort of refreshing to not be squishy, to hack and slash my way through the Neverwinter Nights Original Campaign instead of relying on stealth and magic. I think the only thing I’ll do differently if I play this character in a tabletop D&D game is to make my big dumb ugly half-orc hero a female. Hulking musclebound brutish female half-orc barbarians are apparently in short supply these days. Everyone wants to be sexy, I guess. But this one will rip your head off and make it her puppet, and that’s sexy enough for me.

How I Became a Dungeon Master

Some of my D&D stuff from not so long ago

When I started as a player of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons in middle school, as an androgynous half-elf thief named Valerian (I was very much a fan of the movie Dragonslayer), I couldn’t help but imagine myself in the role of Dungeon Master. It not only looked like fun, it seemed right up my alley. I’d always been a storyteller, from the time I was small.

So back home I tried to start a D&D game of my own. I created worlds and characters and scenarios and imagined prospective players playing them out. I roped my friends who had never even heard of roleplaying in and ran one-on-one adventures for them. But I was never able to get a group together. I didn’t really mind though, because it was great to just be able to play; to take my characters to the next level, and the next, and tell their stories to the DM and the other players.

See, players are storytellers, too. Never forget that. And a good DM helps them tell their stories. Well, I was blessed with good DMs, and sometimes I longed to be one of them, though if given a choice between one or the other I would’ve chosen to remain a player. Still, ideally I would’ve liked to have been both, roleplaying in one campaign and running another. But as it turned out, that was never meant to be.

Anyway, I continued to gather materials and resources, study manuals and modules, invent worlds and monsters and scenarios, map areas and come up with side-quests. All for imaginary players who might never materialize.

Then I got distracted by life, as did the other players in our adventuring group, and even to a certain extent, our DM. I think he started to get discouraged by the ever-increasing scheduling difficulties. Our last session lacked closure. We never picked that storyline up again. We never all got together in that capacity again. It was like a television series got cancelled mid-season before it could be wrapped up.

By the time I got back into D&D again I was a college dropout. Third edition had introduced the d20 system. That piqued my interest. I created a Bard character I was excited to play. But no one I knew was interested in D&D anymore. So once again I tried to start my own game. I did my best to recruit players, and was mildly successful. Underwhelmingly successful, to be honest.

I went back to sleep. Years went by. Fourth edition came and went. I read the online comments on it with passing interest. I got my D&D fix by playing video games like Baldur’s Gate, Icewind Dale, and Neverwinter Nights.

Then 5e made its quiet debut. I couldn’t ignore the improvements. The streamlined game mechanics. The elegant balance between combat and roleplay. I started to ask around, and lo and behold, others had suddenly become interested in D&D again. Next thing I knew I was reluctantly agreeing to DM for a local would-be mercenary party when what I really wanted to do was bring my Bard PC to life. Oh cruel fate!

No matter–that character would be the first NPC the party met. Sometimes you just have to take what life offers you, and make the most of it. 😉